??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
