no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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