By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
