bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
