Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
