She's JV to your varsity
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
