i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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