She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
