Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
