Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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