I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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