I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
