i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
