Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think I won the penis lottery.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
