Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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