I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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