I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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