my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize