Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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