I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
