i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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