what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
