kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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