i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
