Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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