my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
