He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
