I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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