her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
