my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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