So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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