Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
