I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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