Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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