phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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