What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
