are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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