just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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