bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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