Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
