well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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