well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
