I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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