I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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