Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
