as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
