Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
