im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
