Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
