You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
