If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
