I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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