the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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