The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Shame - the story of my life.
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