Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
