She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
