If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
