I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
