i used baking grease as lip gloss
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
