Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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