He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
