Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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