How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
