we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
