i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
