I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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