allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
